and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
