I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My penis needs a shock collar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The ass gains better be worth it
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