I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
