Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
