Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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