What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
