we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
