Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
