cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
