Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I need water and some morals
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
