I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dick very happy bro
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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