Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im holly from the hills drunk
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
