This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
