this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
