ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
