i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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