I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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