I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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