I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
