i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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