11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
