well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
