It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
