Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
