my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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