Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
