Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
