It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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