I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
is it fun? or sober?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
