you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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