did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
