My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
