she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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