he thought i was a dude.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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