let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
