Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I skipped work to stalk him.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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