I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize