While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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