My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
