The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
