I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
