So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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