Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
