I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Having a random hookup so left but love u
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
