John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
