I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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