On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
