why didn't you poke me back
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
