my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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