He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're like the curious george of whores
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
