Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You need Xanax blowdarts
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
