I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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