i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
