I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
