You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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