Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
