i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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