I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I think people are normalizing furries
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
