Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
