What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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