come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
