I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
