; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
