Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
