we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
