The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
