So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
