I wish I only lived at night.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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