I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
