I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
