I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
