Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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