I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
