A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
