They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
