last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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